bethel

i just thought of something today. i don’t really know what i want. I’m already nineteen, turning twenty actually, but my plans aren’t clear yet. I’m praying to our good Lord that He’ll let me see what He wants me to do, to go, or even what to say. I’m so bothered. I wanted to fly somewhere, where nobody knows me, nobody cares. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to think and be in silence for a year or two. As i look at what life is giving me, showing me, it made me cry.. i’m so bothered. confused. i’ve been asking for prayers lately, i’m always crying. sleepless nights. i need an answer because the more i ask questions, the more i become confused. i don’t understand a lot of things and it makes me feel awful. nahihirapan na ako :’(

grabe.. last monday (16th of this month) nakaencounter ako ng super rude na customer.. though breaktime ko na talaga nun, nakatayo lang ako sa may station ko, kausap kasi ako ni russ and asking what time i’ll be out, e syempre, magkatrabaho, magkaklase at magkakulitan kami, kaya ganun kami mag-usap…then this guy in black jacket appeared and asked questions, e kausap nya si ate jhen whose on-duty.. e malapit lang ako sa kanya, aba, sabay sabing "Kristyano ba kayong lahat dito? Bakit ganyan ka ,magsalita parang palengkera?" aw! tagos hanggang buto! I just smiled and turned my back and held my tears. si God ba sya para i-judge ako? i know my heart and i know my stand as a Christian. Nahusgahan ako dahil lang sa pagsasalita? i mean, that is so unfair. Siya ba very Christian yung ginawa nya?? Tapos sabi nya kay ate jhen "ikaw mas matured Christian ka.." man! What’s on his mind?? I felt like i was being stabbed at that time.  Can I just melt here?? I was so pissed but i’m trying to control my self. Akala ko Pastor siya cause he kept saying "God bless you!" and all that… i learned from kuya Gary that he is a seaman daw. Great. kung husgahan nya ko ganun na lang. Grabe, talagang gusto kong umiyak, pero sabi nila sir rico, ganun lang daw talaga, dun daw mate-test ang character ko. Di na ko sumagot, kasi nga, "customer is always RIGHT" diba? yeah right. Bad mood na ko for the rest of the day at ang sakit talaga.  Dahil lang dun?? kinuwestyon ang pagka-Kristiyano ko.  Well i know God has something to teach me that day, and i learned from that experience. Sobra. Pero kung nakalimot lang ako, kinalimutan ko ang mga pinag-aralan ko at natutunan sa church, baka binato ko yun ng kung anumang matigas na bagay na nahawakan ko nung araw na yon.. e andami dun! bukol talaga abot nya! ambibigat ng Bibles dun no..tsaka mga books! yung mga guards nga to the rescue, haha, sila kuya Gary tulala lang, e kasi naman no, napaka-tactless! hu grabe talaga.. salamat po Panginoon dahil naalala ko ang Gal. 5:22, fruit of the spirit! man, talagang kung nagkataon, magkakasala talaga ako! haha..good thing nakapagpigil ako

my sweet made me some kinda poem ba ito? gusto ko lang mabasa niyo din… maniwala kayo’t sa hindi nakalagay talaga dyan, "pretty face" haha

here it goes..

you’re so sweet and nice, double sugar and spice;

Pretty face and angelic smile to be with you is time worthwhile;

Childlike ways she always present, but you know she is heavent sent;

Beetul Sweet, you’ll like that sound cause she is the sweetest girl around….

…short pero i so like it. hehe. thanks sweet mwahmwah**

my sweet made me some kinda poem ba ito? gusto ko lang mabasa niyo din… maniwala kayo’t sa hindi nakalagay talaga dyan, "pretty face" haha

here it goes..

you’re so sweet and nice, double sugar and spice;

Pretty face and angelic smile to be with you is time worthwhile;

Childlike ways she always present, but you know she is heavent sent;

Beetul Sweet, you’ll like that sound cause she is the sweetest girl around….

…short pero i so like it. hehe. thanks sweet mwahmwah**

how complicated life can be? huwaw..lalim..pero hindi ko rin alam ang sagot..andaming nangyayaring hindi mo aakalaing mangyayari..parang kahapon lang tahimik at maayos ang mundo ko. ngayon, komplikado na. ang gulo. ang labo. ako, ayokong mag tanong kung bakit.. kasi takot ako sa isasagot ng tatanungin ko. lagi na lang akong nasasaktan. umiiyak. oo nga, no pain, no gain. pero ako puro pain, asan ang gain? akala ko natuto na ko. natuto naman ako, kaya lang may mga bagay talagang hindi mo lubos iisipin na mangyayari pero nangyayari na. minsan, mapapaisip ka, lagi ka na lang bang iiyak sa gabi pag tulog na silang lahat? uubusin mo na lang ba lagi yung stock ng tissue na binibili ng kapatid mo at lagi na lang syang magtataka na 2 pack ng tissue ang nabawas overnight? lagi ka na lang bang tititig sa wallpaper ng cellphone mo? lagi ka na lang bang maghihintay na tumunog ang phone mo at aabangan na yung ringer id na "you and me" (lighthouse) na tumunog? ang hirap. napakakomplikado. sa palabas o pelikula nga, manuod ka lang maiiyak ka na kapag nahihirapan na yung mga bida, e pano pag sa yo pa nangyari? alam mo ba gagawin mo maliban sa umiyak at magdasal ng tahimik sa gabi? tatakasan mo ba ang katotohanang minsan ka ng naging talunan at di maglalaon mauulit ang di mo na gustong mangyari pa? minsan ba naisip mo na ikaw na lang lagi ang nagmamahal, nagpaparaya, at umuunawa. pano ka naman? pano naman ang puso mong durog na nga, dinudurog pa lalo? pano mo tatanggapin na minsan kinalimutan mo ng maniwala pero ngayong sinubukan mong ulit, mukang mauulit pa ang biro nuon? ang gulo. ang sakit. minsan, ayoko na lang umimik. pero imposible yun para sa akin. mahahalata niyo lang ang kirot sa dibdib ko. ayoko mangyari yun. kasi yung iba nga sa kin na kumukuha ng lakas para ipagpatuloy ang buhay, ipapakita ko pa bang mahina din ako? oo lam ko, mahal tayo ng Diyos, at di Niya tayo kailanman bibigyan ng problemang ganito kund di Niya alam na kaya natin. Hanggang kelan ako magpaparaya? magmamahal ng sobra pero kahit kailan di mapapantayan nino man? sasabihin mo lang na gusto mo ako…Pero panandalian lang. hanggang kailan ako maniniwala? hanggang kailan ka magsasabi na babalik ka kahit malabo na sa hinaharap na bumalik ka sa puso kong dinurog mo at hindi na kailanman mabubuo pa? hanggang kailan? hanggang kailan..

I wanna make you smile

whenever you’re sad

carry you around when your arthritis is bad,

all i wanna do is grow old with you

i’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches

build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

i’ll miss you, kiss you

give you my coat when you are cold

need you, feed you

even let you hold the remote control

so let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I WANNA GROW OLD WITH YOU..

chorus

– for a special friend who remembers his former girlfriend with this song..  take care sweet..